Who are you?!

My name's Jason. This is my story.

Uh, your marios?

I'm sure my life has been shaped by many critical moments in the past, and while I can't pinpoint all of them, they are all equally important, I'm sure. But this one event is different. It involved my Mario's (original Super Mario Bros actually) So my friend is the proud new owner of a Wii, and the crew (I use the term loosely, more on that in the future) is having a blast playing games we haven't seen since we were Eight.

That's when I decide to play Super Mario Bros. Now, you should know up front that I'm infuriatingly good at video games because I spent the majority of my childhood with them as my only friend (aw sad, right?) So I jump right back in to the swing of things, and before I know it I'm staring down world 8-3 again. (this is the level that always gave me trouble as a child. I don't know why though! Fucking hammer brothers.) I've built up a nice Mario reserve in case this is going to take a few tries (11 lives, to be precise.) That's when the realization sets in that I might just beat this game finally. Yeah sad story but true, 25 years old and I've never been able to finish Mario 1. But tonight is the night. I'm going all the way. But first I need to go to the bathroom. No biggie right? I'll pause and be right back. I handle my business and return to the living room...

just in time to see my "friend" (lol) jumping my last Mario right off a ledge into the center of a pit. No, I'm serious. Just killing my fucking marios like it's the funniest shit they've ever seen. Really? I have to admit, the moment I realize what's going on I'm utterly flabbergasted. I don't even know how to respond! Seriously, who does this?! Who sits down and decides haha it'll be funny to screw this person over? Well, I guess I answer that for myself. So down to a single Mario, I try and carry on. I actually make it to 8-4. Then it happens, game over.

I'm not particularly mad, because I'm still dumbfounded at what just went down! Needless to say, to this day I have not played Mario again, and I just don't think I can. Sad times, right? That's where the name comes from. Stop killing them, seriously.

Brief intro right? Good. I'm a pretty odd person, but by all means, let me show you the world through my eyes. It might be entertaining for you.