Yar!

Sadly, this post is not pirate related. Just another one I've been working on. A few places are clunky and not...lyrical enough for me. I'm just an elf at heart man. Enjoy!

-jsn

What Else?

The stars still whimper
the stars still whine
weeps that the threads
of our loves would never entwine

I see her still, the purple wreathed
Muse; sweet jasmine crown
upon her dark sewn hair
of brown

For a short time we found
a steep valley, hidden vale; oceans
of great lilies pale that swayed
in the wind, leading to moonlit foray

And it would be no lie to confess
fantasy unfolded in warmth of
a time sewn nest; where all the
world stopped silent in reverence

But winter comes ever creeping,
lilies die, hearts fade, leafless
branches full of weeping;
threads unravel; great distance; lone travel

And so quick the silver valley
fell to shadow; thoughts not thought
feelings not felt - things of failure
sighs of regret

Ages have passed, great kingdoms
fallen. Yggdrasil trembles and
new worlds are dawning. but
something remains in two distant minds

Two stories remember and you only with
mine; you've no choice but to follow
my recollection and wandered meanderings.
an insisting reflection:

It must matter not what tragedy
was wrought -- aftermaths and angry
talks, if you but cherished the
moment before it stopped

Even if regret does follow,
if you but kissed like you meant
it for that moment in time, frenzy
filled touches could never be hollow

So despite what you think
Despite what you say and despite
where you go; however different for
you the story did unfold

For but a moment your whole life
mattered and
Color me confused, but
What else could you possibly be after?

More Plath based fandom

It's okay. Nothing special. I think a few parts need revision. Enjoy.

-jsn

Kiss.


It seems as though our last kiss
- has been our last

I recall so well how the scene did unfold
- a familiar couch if nothing else

Your lips on mine and our arms entwined
- how I still remember the taste of the first time

As I lay in the floor next to your bed, I whispered goodnight
- and I peeked your red crowned face loom down upon me

Oh, how I swiftly surrendered, tilting my head to meet your own
- receiving your lips and offering mine own

There in the dark I felt your blue flames flicker
- and I knew it would follow me till the end of days

I could keep the feeling held utterly close with gripping hands
- Even if you decided it was time to go away

How it seems you've left,
- found another to abuse and mistreat your love

Strange, how our last kiss will always be our last
- and I can't even pretend that I think you know.

Whoa two in one day

I totally posted that other one way late last night, so it totally counts as posted yesterday. I'm on a Sylvia Plath kick. Asked for her unabridged journals for Christmas. Don't ask me if I actually got it or not. Confessional Poetry

Valentines Party

It must have been in second grade,
when Valentines gifts were no longer
mandatory made.
And we all sat in a circle
taking turns handing them out.
Nervous I waited and watched,
card after card went 'round the block.
Stephen got six.
(I remember he told me.)
And Shea got ten.
Preston was four,
and Tiffany seven.
It was Crystal, who actually got eleven!
Then it was done.
(I had already passed out to everyone)
But not a single card came round to me.
And I couldn't quite understand,
Twenty two kids and not one had thought of me.
As a child, I remember it clearly: I went home and cried.
As an adult, it never quite hit me,
just how much I died.

I the ever shivering,
and you my
long sleeved jacket.
yet when it comes
to your love,
I can't help but think
the cold still
wraps about my feet.

Hello hello

What's up? This is me talking to myself. So, no original work of my own today, but I've been really captivated by this (famous) piece by Arthur Rimbaud. That, and I think I have a crush on Ophelia, go figure. I just think it's so melancholic and beautiful. Ethereal, if you will. I hope you like it. It's also so amazing that he wrote his best works at such an incredibly young age (late teens! OMFG) The beauty and genius of some souls must be eternal, despite what lies beyond this world. I think if you like poetry at all, this is someone to greatly admire and you should look at his other works. They are unfortunately (for me anyway) all written in French, a language that I really should learn. I'm just terribad at language acquisition. Of course, they are all just my meager opinions. Have an awesome day. Oh and PS, Dear Asami lurker, I think you will like this one a lot!

-jsn

Ophelia

I

On the calm black water where the stars are sleeping
White Ophelia floats like a great lily;
Floats very slowly, lying in her long veils...
- In the far-off woods you can hear them sound the mort.

For more than a thousand years sad Ophelia
Has passed, a white phantom, down the long black river.
For more than a thousand years her sweet madness
Has murmured its ballad to the evening breeze.

The wind kisses her breasts and unfolds in a wreath
Her great veils rising and falling with the waters;
The shivering willows weep on her shoulder,
The rushes lean over her wide, dreaming brow.

The ruffled water-lilies are sighing around her;
At times she rouses, in a slumbering alder,
Some nest from which escapes a small rustle of wings;
- A mysterious anthem falls from the golden stars.

II

O pale Ophelia! beautiful as snow!
Yes child, you died, carried off by a river!
- It was the winds descending from the great mountains of Norway
That spoke to you in low voices of better freedom.

It was a breath of wind, that, twisting your great hair,
Brought strange rumors to your dreaming mind;
It was your heart listening to the song of Nature
In the groans of the tree and the sighs of the nights;

It was the voice of mad seas, the great roar,
That shattered your child's heart, too human and too soft;
It was a handsome pale knight, a poor madman
Who one April morning sate mute at your knees!

Heaven! Love! Freedom! What a dream, oh poor crazed Girl!
You melted to him as snow does to a fire;
Your great visions strangled your words
- And fearful Infinity terrified your blue eye!

III

- And the poet says that by starlight
You come seeking, in the night, the flowers that you picked
And that he has seen on the water, lying in her long veils
White Ophelia floating, like a great lily.

Just another day

Had a check with the doctor yesterday and he says the MRI is clear. So he's treating me for cluster headaches now. I swear my dresser is like a pharmacy. It's got everything! Anyway, I really wonder if that's what this is, even though I can attest to having all of the symptoms, it just feels like maybe there is something in my ear actually causing the problem. Oh well, he's the doctor! This one was what Wordsworth would call spontaneous poetry. Try and read it fast.

Hysteria?

Someone much wiser than herself posed a question to a room.
Not me. Not me. Please not me.
I'm a failure. I'm hungry. Where's my car?
Someones sufferingsomeones dead
he's cutehe'snot oh and she's pretty
my nose is so bigwhatswrongwithmylips
in dreams i can never move it's like water
i see it! we are but the scale of a giant beast
an idiot god who will on a whim roll over and crush
all existence as it has so many times before. my head
hurtsand my mouth is so dry. i'mcold but its hot. the pounding
i want to go. go where? it doesnt matter. i just want to leave, She thinks.
nothing matters everything is futile i should be a nun. where's god? and
would he acknowledge me?
She sighs.
In a room full of vacant hands she smirks and offers her own.

Whimsical hate!

That's me! I'm curious if other people find it amusing as I do when whimsical work ends on a dark note. I find it highly entertaining if not delightful, but I'm a different kind of person. Very very simple rhymes, but it's a simple story.

A Faring Well Wish

In a lovers quarrel I intervened
not quite knowing what it would bring.
At first the wonder and flash
blinded me like happiness unabashed.
But soon it became apparent
My role ghostly transparent.
Hearts anew; no time. They flew
back to the old. Me? Stuck in the cold.
Well I wish them both the heaviest hearts.
That they stay embracing; keep their sparks
Let's wish them always remain together
Despite the ever changing weather.
And I wish them stand like stone
every time they feel alone.
Oh and while I'm being nice,
I wish their love the thinnest ice.

Fun poem

I had a lot of fun just trying to jam stuff together in this one. I like it. Still no update on MRI, assuming the doctor got the results yesterday, surely he would have called if he found something serious, right? Alas, who knows. I have an appointment with him Thursday if nothing else. I don't actually know what to call this poem, because I originally thought it would be a response to T.S. Eliot's Prufrock but I took on my own rambling in the middle of it, so, very inspired, and since I used a lot of references, I think I have to say it is a response to Eliot's work. I'm still in the imitation phase of writing it seems. I have ideas for other things coming up I think, one about a Muse, and another about Poetry in general. Ok here we go!

A Mad Man's Response to The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.

The scene I change
but the scenery remains.
an Unreal City
of a different name.

An observation you once made
the dead fear no secrets,
how strange that for a living soul
the scariest tale is when truth be told?

I met two girls.
One insisted she was special.
A school for the gifted,
where only special people go,
had gifted her the paper that made it so.

The other a nightingale whom never sang,
twit twit
jug jug
so rudely force'd
from the time she
was two till ten
and at fourteen
made her own end.

I thought her the special one.
How could such a soul ever be undone?

Ophelia!
Ophelia!
No, and I am the wrong Lazarus.
And you, not her.
Another tragedy for which
the world does not stir.

And do I grow more apologetic
with approaching death?
Or proud of my bitterness,
that is I The Fates collect?

The trees stir!
Weeping. Weary. Writhing
like the swirl of grey
Reminding of the false overlay.

In my sleep I dreamt it so!
I felt myself pulled away.
My existence not needed,

no place for me
no place for me
no place
...but I'm still here?

Perhaps this not the end
if we woke to the sound
of mermaids near the beach,
singing for us; within our reach!

Wake now!
The voices,
do not drown!

They sing for you!
They sing for you!

Let us go then,
you and I!

A poem

I think this is the culmination of my greatest work. I don't say that to be arrogant, but I think I've finally put to words what runs through my mind so often and I feel I can never convey. In any case, I like this, and I hope you will find some joy in it too.

Of Mirrors and Fates

I.

By gift unknown I was granted a glance in the mirror of all fate.

So I alone within room of black gazed before it and it did not smile back.

Three images upon me it bestowed,
like questions and wishes I never wished for.

And in the first we traveled ever so deep,
Memoria my shepherd, and I it's sheep.

We arrived at a home of bleak empty rooms
with walls of plain white
no decorations, no light
everything was hidden from the plainest of sight.

Empty I've said, and already I've lied.
In the center sat a boy,
no companion at his side.
No toys.
No trains.
Not a single video game.

But I don't think it mattered,
for not a frown was on his face

I think he knew not of sadness,
and surely not a happy trace,
for he played with such vigor
as he jumped and he tumbled.

He spread his arms and I swear he flew with a rumbling mutter.

I don't know how long we stayed,
most of all I didn't care.
I could have watched this perfect child live forever

And in the end, he even asked me to play.

But Memoria was harsh and the stipulations premade.

The past was the past
and would forever remain.

So away he took me from
the home of the lost child.

II.

Standing before the mirror once again
from behind the haze stepped a man
oh so familiar.

No need for description,
the reflection said it all.

Oh, how the bitterness had burned his eyes.
And upon his cheek was the lip-shaped stain,
A fickle fading star that would soon wash away.

I knew what had happened,
and I wept with embarrassment that made me ashamed
to call myself a man.

He spoke no words
and I none to him
But I knew what he was thinking,
until his bitter end.

I turned to Memoria,
with the same hateful nod.
Here I was done,
I demand to see the end.

III.

At last I was invited,
and I stepped inside
an empty mirror,
with a broken bridge leading to the other side.

Memoria smirked and laughed all at once:
' Well cross,' he so insisted,
'the answers you seek, they're no great mystery.
Or stay if you like,
afraid to know what lies near,
on the other side of this imaginary fear.
So many have stayed,
choosing to rot
rot
rot away.
You'll be of dust,
not even the need for a name.'

And without hesitation,
I sit upon the ground.

I close my mouth.

And never again make a sound.

A post

This is something that's a bit odd for me. I'm going to make an actual blog post. I don't quite know where it is going to go. I admit, I'm going to ramble. But if you are interested in me, Jason, and who I am, I ask that I might persuade you to keep reading. I shall do my absolute best to shed light on any mysteries that might surround me. Still with me? Let us go then, you and I. If you get that reference and are female, I'll marry you right now.

I am a loner. Emotionally, and physically. Whether this is from upbringing, experience in the world, a combination of both, or even some reason I don't know of, it is what I am. I can't say I particularly chose it, or even enjoy it. It simple is. And I admit, it's rough letting people in to my world. I find it one of the most difficult things you could possibly imagine. Even more problematic is keeping people within the fold once they're there. I find that the ones we allow in the closest, are usually the ones we end up being the most angry with in the end, as we know they are aware of some darker side to us. Of course we don't like this. It doesn't sit comfortably with a person to feel vulnerable.

I'm not one to share. I don't mean my toys, fuck, I love sharing my toys with others, it gives a sense of camaraderie and belonging. I mean, I'm not one to share my feelings, whether they be joy, which I'll be honest, I rarely experience, or sadness, or depression, or anger, or even pain. I think growing up I learned no one cared and they were things to keep to yourself. I obviously can't say this is a good thing, because they leave many emotions and feelings not dealt with and bottled up inside. It's true what they say, they will eat you alive.

I think, this particularly post arises from something that has happened within the past two years. I began feeling an intense pain inside my inner ear, that was actually thought to be a tumor in my head. Luckily, it turned out this wasn't the case. However, collateral damage was suffered. Not to my body, but to many people around me who could not understand why I suddenly withdrew and became a recluse to them. I was in such pain most of the time, I simply couldn't bear to be around others. Not only was it the pain, but with it came an irritability that just made me not someone you wanted to be around. I was always angry, and I would lash out without warning. This was something I couldn't do to my friends. I have never been one to take out my feelings towards one thing on another who had nothing to do with it, and yet I started to.

So I cut off all contact. I did this to a girl I had only recently begun seeing. She didn't take this well, and played it off to me as if everything was fine. It's true, I didn't tell her the real reason I did it. I gave the cliche, I just can't do this right now. I thought she accepted this because she was good at hiding how she felt too. This was not the case. In fact, I angered her to a level I had no idea of. She became very malicious towards me behind my back and actually sabotaged quite a few relationships I had, without my knowing until later. As much as I want to have nothing but hatred for her, I can't. She did what she felt she had to do. Can I forgive her? I don't know. I feel at this point in my life, I must. I have no other option. To hold on to the anger will only destroy me. So this is me letting that go. Do I expect forgiveness? Of course not. But now the reason is out there. (not that I think anyone actually reads my blogs.)

Months later, when I was not feeling the pain as badly as before, I did meet someone. I fell for her hard. Too hard. I knew better than to jump in head first, but I did. I couldn't resist. For whatever reason there might be, and there are a million, I failed to hold on to her. I should have held on with everything I had, but no, I just let it go. Thinking it was the right thing, I watched a dream fade for the second time. Again, these are just fancy strings of words. If only I could articulate my real thoughts in a manner that would have meaning. But that too is over.

My pain has returned, ten fold, actually. I endured it for this long alone, telling no one but my doctors. Not a soul knew how badly I suffered every day. It was so bad I could at times only collapse and cry. And I don't say this for sympathy. I don't want pity. I want it to be understood who I am at this moment in time. I'm human, duh, and like all of us, I long for the touch of another. Someone that will in turn enjoy my touch, feel comfort in my presence as I would in their own. This isn't even a whine about not having such a person in my life. This is who I am. Not very interesting, right? I'm just like every one else.

But I wonder, does this confession change anything? Does it matter why I did the things I did, or only the end result? Now, I've even burned my Aikido bridges. It was never something I planned, but suddenly there I was faced with the decision to leap or comply, and I always comply. So I leaped this time.

I can remember how it felt, during those times when it felt like I had someone at my side, and it was grand. But I threw those away too. Again, nothing can change this, and yet, I can't help but dwell upon where I went wrong.

So I'll even apologize. To you, whoever you are that needs the apology from me. I gladly give it, but remember, I'm no one and my apologies mean nothing in the end. Words can change nothing. Had I thought ahead, I would have never caused the hurt. But I didn't. I made mistakes, I failed, and I even succeeded in some places. And yet, those successes are so far and few between. I feel my complexities are so much greater than I, and they will win in the end, whatever that means. Oh, how these words are so fickle to my feelings. I wish I could make it more clear.

jsn

B Friday

I need a safety check, one, two. One, two.

It was her dragon's fire kiss
that made me long for bliss and ignorance
And how she struck me to my knees
knowing, even knowing she would deceive
how she knew not her witching power
like we were but opposing Bishops
in this black and white war of fiction
forever passing with grasping glances that never touch
Bound by rules of the thinnest glass
Where whispered longings are all we yield
and touches of reality could never fulfill
the passions unbridled we elected to kill.

Just more lament!

I'm really working on my technique here, I know it seems like it's all going down hill, but I promise I'm working on something deeper! It just...appears shallow.

All this weeping in the air
with her back to mine own
and her dark side eyes fixed
afar on some lesser prize

Fairies fall and dragons die
Naive knights lose their pride
on journeys awry to realms of lie
even forgetting how to once fly

For without the fey and dragon lot
we're stuck in our own malignant rot
but alone and together we can pretend
it's all so much better.

Procrastinating

Should be working on my research paper, draft due monday. Am I? Of course not. I also have some strange fascination with the sea lately. Who knows? Not me! Onward, I say.


Screaming Strands

Like a speck of sand at the
shore of a sunshowered beach
With beauty to behold and the
receding tides just beyond reach
Waste and empty though it may appear
below lies another world
it's scene not quite so clear
as we look from above through waivering waters
And I think most of us shall scream,
when we're grasped by its white wraps,
who wants to trade what they know,
just for the sake of traveling below?
My how the new specks watched unimpressed
till their turn comes and it's new necks
on the line
But by then I think I shall long be gone,
forgotten like last winters setting fall.
And I wonder how it would be,
If I jumped at the sea before it came for me?

Dancing Stars

No not that stupid fn tv show.

I must be a dream from the stars
born of dust and loneliness.
A silent confession that even they know not
all this universe could hold
so it matters not what happens here
who I love, or arbitrarily hold dear
Alone we'll be once we find the end.
Now should my end come soon
before the setting of tonights moon
I bid you please don't mourn me
But if you insist, cry only once this night
And just remember, I'm forever dancing in starlight.

Take that Allen Ginsburg

God, internet back after two days is like an epic journey into Mordor, I swear.

I met someone.
Somewhere.
Once. Twice?

We must have sat down
Together.
Alone, maybe.

She asked me,
so, what's your problem?
We didn't actually talk,
just passed the lotuses back and forth correctly.
That can be a problem sometimes, too.

I say drugs,
a bit vague
that's a true story sometimes too.
but a different occasion.

There was a lot of conjecture
between us
A lot of reaffirming
for ourselves.

No arguments, for it's a bit
of a secret
but the best speakers
are those who just
listen.

And I think we solved all the worlds problems,
for a moment at least the questions paused.

Then it led to another,
Where something else was wrong.
But a new light was shining,
no, not some beacon of hope.

Our eyes saw more clearly
that the path thought wrought so dreary
was just a path,
and nothing more elaborate.

Our own introspection was the lie of reality.

And looking back I saw a fork,
a turn we took at which
we had never even looked.

Then with the truth that is this moment...

to this.

Our journey ended,
and nothing had changed,
Neither ignorance nor bliss.

But something was gleaned
from the conversation
so different,
so silent, so loud.

I think the human voices woke us,
Now we drown.

New day, and Ikeda

So this weekend is Aikido at UAB's even for Ikeda sensei. Very interesting Aikido Shihan, however he's on this kick for trying esoteric movements out and I've seen him at many previous seminars doing the same thing. I just wish he'd do a little more basic technique. =/ Daniel, you aren't up here at this thing are you? Anyway, poetry.

I'll wait for you near the sapphire-shored stream
where hazy mists linger
and failed hearts remember
the life of an ethereal dream

Would you come with me my faceless stranger
where somber waves crash
and regretful water crests
the pool of all lost loves

What if I told you such a fate was not for us
where feet dangle freely
and below they struggle
the sky our own safe perch

-till tired suns give way
to ruby braced nights
dances in star lights
-and the promise to forever stay

More?!

Two in two days? What trickery is this! (yay warcraft 3 reference) There was actually a second part to this that I kind of liked, and it even kind of fit in...vaguely. In the end, I ripped it out and I think I'll try to make it's own little stand alone shindig.

PS: Yay Asami for still being around! =p

Dream number 21 (no srsly thats the title)

I've laid in waiting for what seems ever long
In shadows of buildings and gusts of smog
Where walk means look both ways.
Twice.
And an amply stacked wallet will lead you to love.
Even dark clouds matter not a bit
(the scraping skies make the ground dry enough to sit)
Passing anonymity of crowded streets
poses threat for only those eager to greet
This city of shadows is where we all wait, wondering where you might be,
love we've yet to meet.
Oh, but this could not be me!
I dreamed of rolling hills forever crystal green,
and skies so blue the clouds themselves would sing
Where cherry blossoms flutter just for fun
and warm breezes air the pastel scene
Calling out to you alone and your special dream,
to awaken the soul that slumbers so prone
and to guide you by fairy hand,
to what could be your own flowing emerald land.

New one!

Haha, I posted that without even putting anything in the body. Oops, blog fail. Ahem, the goods. I was working for something rambly and off kilter. I think I like it, but I wonder?


Cold like an empty blanket
Paralyzed with the thought of future failure
and withered lost gods are everywhere
all around, crammed together, all alone.

Watch them through the windows
the exhibit with two way mirrors
never quite sure on which side you reside
spectacle or spectator?

In place, or out of?
Alone and together; different ends of the same place

And is this the isle,
where all lost things go?

Do you see the slaves to ideal, whom have no complaint?
Content to tick away, occupied and bloated with hollowness.

Like a darkling plain that has but remained the same. No echoing retreat, just waves returned anew.

Inevitably grasped by the sinking that is human drama
from which escape is the only dream

And would you believe,
when I was a boy, I met the most beautiful girl?

It's true, I still update

Sometimes anyway.

Untitled

A death induced laughter woke me from life,
just in time to see the end passing by.
And I heard the news soon after,
This train was leaving and making a new disaster.
And my coach was without companions,
No Virgil,
No Mastema,
No Lasher at my call,
Just the empty flickering lights in the hall.

History

Ever jealous of the way you love
How you offer your all, regardless the return
Is that who you are to all you've embraced?
If only they knew what I had to face
To look upon you as you lowered your head
and told me I was disgrace
Ever jealous of the way I must watch you love.
Do you still believe me,
When I offer a straight face?

I'm old

It's my birthday. 26. There is just absolutely nothing to look forward to after the magical 21. So of course it's a bipolar day, hahaha. No, it's not so bad I guess. But in true loathing fashion:

Why don't I have any answers, asked the boy?
But walls can give no replies
And boys can learn nothing.

Happy birthday!

Inspired by someone

So I was talking to a friend last night and he is of course completely opposite of me, and thinks the best of everything and everyone. It's an admirable quality, anyway, it carried over to my writing. Thanks for the thought. I'll put the rest of Everfar up later I think. Oh oh, and aikido is grand, I love being back. And now my new friends are convincing me I want to go rock climbing. Yay for losing weight!

Me? No great lover of nature
But even I see somethings wrong
As if it's our right to make dark overture
On earthly canvas that's stood so long
I think I'm stumped, that this argument lingers
We're dying and yet still we need blame
Argue argue ARGUE; just point your fingers
I won't be ambiguous or hold my head in shame
But offer a solution for once; a thought I entertain
Whether or not we're the cause; we can stop it
And we must; to this place we're chained
Cooperate, work together, ideas must all have merit
Just stop the destruction: Life could be so great
That is, unless we all insist on shitting like apes.

Everfar

Just silly little fantasy, but hey it's happy at least! Okay, it's like way too long for a blog post I realize, so uh, two parts maybe? Sorry for any following eye sores!

Where the Everfar Blooms

Our village sat at the heart of the universe. Far beyond the prying of eyes of outside life, our people were the first born of all creation. There we lived in complete and utter peace, as there was no need for greed or hatred among our kind. We are not so much like other beings. We do not age, and we do not know sickness. Some of us enter the world as children, others with the hair on our heads already grey and our bodies wrinkled. But these are nothing more than superficial facets. Our lives are not our own. Each of us was created with a specific purpose in mind. We are the keepers and watchers of new born worlds.

Once in an eon, the day of blooming comes, where the Everfar Trees shed their diaphanous leaves and the rainbow petals flutter down from the heavens. And in each petal, a vision could be seen like a tiny scrying pool. They were gateways, doors to these new and yet uninhabited places waiting for life. And there was a single petal for each of us.

So on that day, I gathered with everyone in the village square awaiting my destiny. A warm breeze began to stir, rustling the ethereal leaves as they stopped clinging to the trees. At once, a gasp of awe rang through the assembled and the tiny blooms began to descend from above. Chatter and excitement could be heard from all sides as my kin rushed forward and began to take their rightful places. All around me, people disappeared into flickering lights, exploding into luminescence of wonder . Giddy in my excitement, I somehow managed to contain myself as I began to slowly walk about, weaving my way through the crowd.

I couldn't help but smile, an overwhelming happiness finding its way to me as I took in the scene. From across the square I spied an old man, his chosen petal suddenly extending and growing in size until I could see perfectly clearly what was contained within. There was a great world sewn and stitched from the very fabric of fire itself. And within it I saw the creatures who would one day live there. Human in appearance save for their hair and skin. There, they wore tendrils of flickering flames that danced and swayed back and forth, and their skin was flawless, shaded with a deep crimson hue. How beautiful.

I was so entranced at the sight unfolding before me I almost failed to notice the slight tugging at my sleeve. Blinking, I brought myself back to reality and glanced down. There stood a tiny girl of raven hair and deep brown eyes.
"Look! Look," she insisted.

In her hand she held her very own world. I leaned over, peering into its depths. Oh and what I saw! A place crafted of nuts and bolts, cogs and wheels! A mechanical empire stretched for as far as the eye could see, with great towers reaching to the stars. Oh, and the people! Tiny clockwork creations that clicked and chirped to one another in perfectly rhythmic fashion! And they were always building more, working merrily to their ever present hum and clank of metal on metal.

"I have to go now!" she giggled and grinned up at me.
It was then my breath was stolen away once more. Did the petal grow in size to accommodate her? Or did she begin to shrink until she could fit through it? I could not tell, as the clicking grew louder and she began to slowly descend into it. After a moment her tiny head slipped behind the veil of the portal, and I saw her no more. Within an instant, it began to swirl and shimmer, eventually imploding, leaving nothing but a memory in its place...

I applaud you if you made it that far.

Just curious

The Stupidity

What the fuck?
What started it all?
Who first said that's mine,
not with words, but fists?
Had they no idea?
No idea of the blight they would bring?
No no I suspect they could not.
And why?
Why was that not enough?
Instruments that make no music,
but cause terror and sorrow
For a reason, that I need your help to answer:
Who thought it was a good idea?
To get in lines, and kill one another?
I think it must have been a gift from above,
for no mind born to a human could ever dream
so unpretty
Would you believe, it's still a problem?
It's been forever and an age.
We can't stop, and to you future reader
I share with you my fear:
That someone shall say, "Oh, I don't like the way you've dressed today"
And we'll push the big red button,
Burning our too short page.

An UnSeelie Queen

Just a dark and whimsical thing I'm playing around with. There are a few places I think need some serious changes, but eh, I'm fairly pleased with it thus far. Aikido tomorrow?! Maybe?

I

a fairy hand in hand
brought me to distant land
through hedge and maze
she enchanted me to dulling haze

but when i arrived i was to find
no glimmering hills and silver mines
on me she was to place a curse
bind me in chains of eternal thirst

this fey of old, a witch truth be told
my pleas were in vain to this faery bold
cruel I thought this effigy to be
little did i know what more was for me

looking me eye to eye her enchanted
words that sang like the lost romantic
"I've saved you little child,
plucked you from city roads,
to our magical land of wild.
The worlds more full of weeping,
but you shall come to understand,
forever you'll walk our wondrous land."
And with that I stopped my squeaking.

II

Ages past dark and fast
I, and my fey mistress one at last
No longer did I protest
Even though she, I did detest
But shadowed had my heart grown
no weeping felt I for snatched bone
of lost children astray in escape.

Most across the darkened moor
left in haunting from ancient war
fell entrapped to muddy flat
till swamp beasts found them,
made them snack

Some did make it to the loch
The one full of hunger and lacking a dock
Tempted and frantic they jump in
and it's true, some reach the end
but most find Churan lurking in bubble
and their feet he'll grab, then comes trouble
for if he hungers, they'll sink without struggle
those lucky few, who avoid such a view
are only met with more bad news.

For across the water lay further horror
there stands the hedge itself: road to tomorrow
but you see, and listen my friend:
a maze of sorrow and though no beast lurks within
Each briar and thorn full of confusion and scorn
a prick or a scratch and your world will be torn

the will to go on will slip and will slide
soon you'll grow sleepy, first body, then mind,
and without thought, your journey will halt
as you slump down; down against verdant stalk
there you will stay, for forever and a day
sleeping there peacefully, dreaming your life away
Pleasant dreams will of course be yours
But one day the sleep will be gone
and you'll be left with wrinkled face and aching bone

Remember nothing of time gone past
wander the maze a hobbling, stuttering mass
Unless you return to your fairy queen
there she'll take you back and dust off the vines
invite you to dinner and offer some wine

And you'll love her forever
for forgiving your fate
only to discover a bit too late
she's laid you upon a silver streaked plate

jason

Greatest poem evar.

Today I got a new car
And it is fucking
great.

Look, I even used enjambment on that one!

Ho, ho, ho.

-jsn

Ow my head hurts.

I have a wicked headache right now. What's with that? I totally cracked out on Dark Age of Camelot for multiple days in a row. It was wonderful! Right, so classes start back soon, real excited about that. So...totally...excited. I miss Aikido a lot. I haven't trained in a while now and I wonder just how bad I've gotten in the down time. I don't suspect that badly, but who knows?

I long for the days gone past.

There's an unfamiliar face that stares at itself
That wonders why it is and why it looks this way
For it seems with every glance, somethings changed unannounced
And behind this aging facade remains a child longing to play
To recall days since past in youthful ignorance
Of lounged summers, and class filled winters
When we were all still friends, before the splinter
And I think to you, it must be a mystery
The reasons I lament, and dwell upon history
As your separate ways came calling I alone kept touch with each
I stayed the same, the center link.
And I watched you all grow, from child to adult
Somewhere along the way forgetting I too grew up
Though often it seems my journey is at an end
I know the truth: no rest this soon, it's just pretend
So once more, a final time, I think, I send you my love
That upon a day, when you've withered away
I kept the memories alive, and if you'd like I can take you for a ride
With a story or perhaps a rhyme
So that you can remember that magical time
Before you went away
And brought a sadder day.

-jsn

Freedom!

Omg, finals are done and once again I prove to myself what a mediocre student I am. Go me! So I have like 20 days or something like that until my summer classes start (go go Victorian Novels?) Ugh yeah. I think that class starts with Jane Eyre and has six other books, all in a nine week course. It's definitely going to suck and it's not my only one. Ahem, back on topic, 20 days of absolute freedom with no obligations. The smart me says hey take this opportunity to read some of those books you never got around to and the real me says PLAY DARK AGE OF CAMELOT. Yeah we'll see how that turns out. I've written nothing but junk lately, so nothing to post I'm afraid.

Cool quote though,

"Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal; bad poets deface what they take, and good poets make it into something better, or at least something different."

T.S. Eliot said that one.

jsn

Musings

Must we write what we know? I've heard it so many times. For a time I probably even believed it. Even now, there may be truth to it, but I don't know. The example I use for this is, however cliched, love. Random thought I had driving home tonight. Oh how often we hear of first loves and the inevitable sorrow they bring, which often results in bad poetry. Pardon me while I meekly raise my hand to join that crowd. And then on the other hand, how often we are able to see inspired words by those truly in love. The passions they feel for one another.

This, I admit, is such an odd thought for me, and yet I crave it for reasons I know not. Of course on the basic level, who does not want love? Love of some sorts, details are not specific. Now, the point I actually wanted to get at it was this:

If you know not of love, this all encompassing, enrapturing feeling. How can you express that you have these passions within? To simply write them out, with no target in mind; is this not wasteful and fickle? To Proclaim one wants these things they have never felt for another, hell you don't even know if you'd like half of them, they only sound good in theory.

Is it wrong, then, to write what burns inside of you? Ha, it almost seems like a match.com ad. These are my burning issues! Are they compatible with yours? Single white male! etc etc, I digress, sometimes I try to be funny. And at the same time, because you have no one to share these feelings with specifically, should you not then throw them out to the world to see? Almost a beot: look at what I am and who you are missing out on!

Logically thinking, this just doesn't seem like it would work. Feelings of desire are for specific people, are they not? Not idealized versions you're hoping to stumble on to in life.

I'll end with that, as I already feel I'm rambling. Just a musing, as I said, I wonder what it must feel like to know of love?

Oh and you don't get away that easy, let me drop poetry on you too:

I give my words, my greatest gift
my heart more feeble than I care admit
But if love came knocking
I'd answer overwhelmed
Offer my own by the morning dawn
Only to realize, what good are words
when speaking to a dog.

Ooo angsty isn't it? No..I just felt mean. Better to take it out on an imaginary being =)

-jsn

new day same story

In tribute to Matthew Arnold, with my own concerns.

What reason have I to feel such sorrow?
Unhurt, not oppressed, merely existing. No horror.
Lonely, yes; but really is that such distress?
A lacking world is the problem.
What passion, what good, what suffering do we stop?
None! for I fear that it is ever our plot.
Speak out! I want proclaim, but for what?
No one left to listen
No more cry for revolution
If problems left so unresolved
become falling, fading song
No one left to carry on
Occupied in safe mediocrity a
population rots; most in poverty
Minds no longer trained to express
Experiment, contrive, learn to repress
Where's my revolution, my century changing call!
Standing upon hilltop, bricked like wall
We, or perhaps only I look below
upon a scene scribed an age ago;
I stumble down below, into the darkling plain,
Matthew you were right:
We're still trapped; insane
and ignorant armies still rule the night.

-jsn

Just a flash of passion

Slightly inspired by Christopher Marlowe's "Passionate Shepherd to his Love"
He's one of my favorites.
Oh, you can even read the poem as every third line as a stand alone poem! I thought it was neat, but I'm easily amused.

You trap me!
You grasp me!
-twine me in your lace

Pull me close!
Press me tight!
-to cover me: lips and face

You kiss me!
You bite me!
-where our bodies fall in place

You breathe me!
You feel me!
-with skin to skin; touching trace

Sink in words!
Down in moan!
-in our passionate state of grace

Think me there!
Kissing lips anew!
-so remember when i've been replaced

I trap you!
I grasp you!
-how you'll never forget my taste

ta da!
-jsn

Quick!

I miss the kiss of treachery...

Oh wait, that's not my work. Apologies to Robert Smith. =)

I haven't actually had a stable girlfriend in some time, in fact like two years or longer. Whew, what's that Weezer song? It's time I got back, It's time I got back, and I don't even know how I got off the track? Again I digress. Sometimes I just like to talk.

So back on subject, no girlfriend in some time, so I'm not entirely sure this is about someone. Perhaps it's my faceless beauty whom I've never met. You can use your imagination. Make it your own faceless, wonderful, beauty. Read it quickly, like you only have but a moment before they find you. It has urgency. Almost...breathless. Until the slow, then savor the moment. Be with your dream for just that stanza, then let it be torn away. Again, just me experimenting. Perhaps it's crap, eh?

Quick.

Quick!
No one can see,
We're here; alone.
Just you and me.

Quick!
The moments pass,
Clinging to me
Skirt the crevasse

Quick!
Your lips fire,
Dissolve me within
A dragons ire

Quick!
Your touch entwines,
Draws my head
To your shoulder-line

Slow.
Let's stay here,
Away from all
Let them wonder
Where we've gone

Quick!
They come again,
Smiles now frowns
Time to pretend

With lingering touch
Our fingers brush
Away we slip
To conditional friendship

-jsn

One of of my more whimsical works

A Faerie Parade

They say she came from a time mundane
to this world lost and far away
we believed her the first
not knowing more would come

a human, she said, when we questioned her kind
more important how had she arrived?
intrigued we crowd about
odd. different. what a funny look.

she laughed and she skipped
no time for this she did insist
and away she went so fast!
at a pace we could not follow

for a while the faeries did flit
tickling her nose with a sparkling shine
until even they full of grace fell behind

higher she climbed, far in the sky where
twas said she had tea with the moons
amongst a grand ball of the Seelie courts

a waltz with the stars and a chat with the suns
perhaps now, we saw
how she had but just begun

how long she stayed
we never could say.
but oh, how could we forget her very first day?

she soared across the crystal plains
and stopped for a nap atop the frozen seas
with a dive she fell behind mountain of spine

and some whisper still
that with a flick of her toes
peace was found in the dark below

her bravery untold
in time, we offered a throne
she laughed once more as she had
in times long before

with a curtsy and a smile
she bowed her head--
and offered decline

can you not see she asked?
my skin has aged; my hair gone gray!
You silly little fey
I soon reach the end of my day

Adventures I had once grand
I fear I've but gone bland
now naps and lazy days
are where i find my dreams lay

we learned great sorrow
as she gave her words
soon she would leave us
not to return

oh weep not! she scolded
there is no time for this sadness
soon a new dreamer will find you here
i know, i've seen him, he draws ever near!

change creeps near my great,
my wonderful, my friends
lie with me now, once more she now asked
as i sleep and relive beautiful days gone past.

-jsn

Hmm

I feel like I've been betrayed on every fucking angle possible. It's quite infuriating to know that a story has two sides, and yet for some reason no one cares to hear yours. People, people, people.

In blank verse. I won't speak of this again.

Closing my eyes I turned my back on Avalon
Let its stone gates shut for the last time
Full of beauty it was once so loved by me
But tragedy befell when spiteful hearts reached out
Took in hand the very winds and laid them with doubt
Spread lie and mix with rumor the manic girl I'd no idea
She's become a tumor.
A broken heart she claimed; as if I left her drowning in sand
Exaggerated, actually. Tis all that is. Sorry to disappoint,
But no hidden reasons are to blame.
It didn't work.
Get over it.
I faded to gray.
Funny still, you steered my Guinevere to betray.
I admit, I know not how you lie and manipulate, play victim
and slander.
For me, there's nothing left, my witching hour love walks away
I just assume she preferred the day.
My friend too you stole,
Same person, you know.
O' how I forget, that was ever your goal.
How can one not see this? Your intentional
Destructive response to mere
Accident.
You win my dear! But it brings no happiness does it?
Misery your own doing, brought unto yourself
I was always there to help;
But a game you chose to play
Your voice drowns mine out
No way back, you've done the damage
Again I say, and implore you to listen:
Never was hurt from me intentional and
I admire your villainy most calculated.


Ughgh, I should be doing school work instead this. Shows you where my priorities are eh?
jsn

So..sick

Ugh yeah. I'm sick. Again. It's not even surprising at this point. Basically, I get to be miserable the majority of the time, and everyone wants to know why I look so unfriendly. Tsk, tsk.

No poetry today, but I do write philosophical meanderings too!

How odd, this pairing off of couples we do. We withdraw from our friends; companions we use as support until we convince another to be with us, and us alone. I see this all around me. And yet, still I remain alone. I'm often curious as to why, as if perhaps it is merely a personal problem. And maybe it is.
Of course, I have been with others before and I generally enjoyed their company. It just always seemed to be missing something. Now, if I can feel this way, I accept others could feel the same way about me. But I admit, loneliness grows tiresome and ever more infuriating. Perhaps it is but sniffling, and the fact is many in this world never find a partner that wishes to share life.
If this is the case, how fortunate those who find their mate should feel. But do they do? A portion must surely not care as they will always be with someone they take for granted; that partners are a given, for them especially.
The most interesting part of this all, to me, is how it is perceived as "bad form" to voice the notion of loneliness; that somehow it is your own doing that others dismiss. It leads to this pent up frustration and cancer of emotions. It becomes a struggle to even go to sleep at night, plagued by the memories of self perceived failure.
And then?
It becomes a new struggle to rise from bed the next day. The world feels pointless when we are alone. This alone is not a physical state. No, it is a mental one. So we bury ourselves in work, school, and drugs. Anything that will allow us to cope and hide how we feel from ourselves. We then go out into our society and put on a smiling face that doesn't even care to smile or frown; a face so numb now they exist for existence's sake. So they laugh and joke, for the amusement of those they pretend to. But they are still gray inside.
Return home and the cycle will begin anew. This is not just a random event. It is every day, every moment. It will never leave on its own accord. Is it still any wonder, to you, reader, why anyone would not crave this life? Why some simply wish to no longer be anything? Why more than anything they simply desire nothingness. To die, and be forgotten?
No, I doubt one who does not live this life could ever understand, else it would not be a problem. How very few will ever understand they have no value as a being? Nothing is more confirming of this than the feeling of being unwanted.

jsn

Something different

I don't pretend to be any good at this style of poetry, but I made an attempt. Unfortunately, I don't think this one has any redeeming qualities. But what would you say to Death, given the chance? Don't cop out on me and say you could never understand a cosmic presence blah blah. Talk to it. Also, let me note that nothing is edited here because this is my drawing board. Final products are rarely posted, therefor I welcome ideas and changes if they are offered. Thanks for reading.

A chat with Death

I dreamed a little dream
strange and awkward though it seemed
I found my eyes grown heavy
not quite sleep. perhaps not ready
Death it felt embraced my face
left me helpless at gates of lace
the faceless beauty came to me then
offered me more than any could comprehend
away with me she did demand
tugged upon my arm, and beckoned to a land
born of the lost; dreams dreamed but soon forgot

once there she shed her veil
proclaiming the secrecy reserved for hell
are we not there now I dared questioned
snickered with a smirk, Death gave inclination
delivered from fate I bring you grace
and it seems all you do is stutter and pace
rambling on, here voice grave song to imply
my care I bring with gift and all you do is defy!

No great mistress, I now professed
sought you always my soul confessed
from moment of birth, I felt your hand
lightly gripping my failing strand
cords grew thin and others snapped
but for my own it wound, left me trapped
forced into a world lacking in joy
told to grow up, stop being a boy
struggle against hopelessness, pretend it unreal
create love, or fall victim to the lonely we feel

-- stop there she at once commanded
no more drivel, nor whining, time is at hand
look about you now, see where we are
this you should fear, but think me your star
and around me rose pillars veined and of ice
resting within were those like me; forsaken mice
nothing to live? Death now smirked for certain
Then join these here, they without vice nor virtue
They without care for life, nor Me, like you
they craved to be nothing, free of fate and all thats true
and so I, Death, loving mistress, did oblige
Dashed them from my list, and turned my ever watching eye
but without me to cradle their heads in worry
time stopped, their hearts dropped with no need to scurry
No need to run; they forgot how to walk
Regressed and fell; soon no need for talk
Now behold them here, they're crystalline tears
and faces of cold, emotions stolen of fears

--Now my turn to act so bold,
No, Madam! I began to yell, your fickle stories
scares me not. if you think this benevolence: i send sorry's
for you great being, watcher and taker
Do you not see? Life is your maker
It is we who give you purpose, we who give you name
how can you be so ignorant, to bring your masters shame?

Yeah, I don't know where it goes from there.
jsn

People that like to make themselves unhappy make me unhappy. Hohoho.


Caught in webbing
sewn of your own
dreading

deny the thought
say you earned whats
wrought

shining knight; who
you?
two miseries: too true

screaming stand up;
you turn away and sit
playing the game
you made us commit.

No title. I just read some "poetry tips" from some ridiculous website and the suggestion is that untitled poems are lazy, to which I reply, pass the chips and shut up, i'm watching tv. And with that, I'm out of sappy stuff to post. It was an old phase. Contrast it to the newer which is far more uh..enchanting, I hope.

What's with the theme of dream?

Must be from all my discontent with life. (that's a joke)

I dreamt of tea with Marlowe and Faust,
Pondering weary, locked in that house
with rats in walls, and a creeper in halls
where a wardrobe led me to a snowy scene
when i said without sorrow,
if this be dream let me not rise
tomorrow.

So, catch all the references? Only one is obscure, of course. The others are pretty obvious. I guess that one is kind of emo too isn't it? Nah, not really. What can I say? My imagination just needs the stimulation of living out fantasy.

A few not so emos =p

These are a few I actually have quite the liking for. Granted, like everything else posted here they are just rough. No real changes have been made yet. I'm not long winded, here they are:

My ode to Lady Mary.

So I stood before dear Mary,
princess disowned
Her tears stained red,
compelling, I said
Great pity have I for you,
yet it does not excuse all the things
you shall do.


Oh, oh I like this one. I always feel ridiculous writing about romance, this is no exception.

At first glance I watched you watching.
Passing words and nothing more.
Time goes by,
The world it changes,
Hearts fade to gray
Thoughts forget.

A new meeting, of already known names.
How did the world change for you, I wonder?
We owe it all to you,
She who set the mood,
a night pursued,
Where our thoughts falter,
You try to run, to push, to get away
But I beg.
I plead,
Say it's all wrong.
For you to leave.

Thinking my passion none
Did it occur, the feeling you had
need not reason for feeling?
How? Why? What brought us
thrice?

The time when we would get it right.
We almost did part
but the look on your face
made me rethink
I can't go yet.
Then your arms found my neck.

And just one final little prose before I go. I don't consider this one finished. Maybe you know what I should do to it? Speak up.

Before I knew the dreaming was what it is; when I was small, even beyond the reach of the naive, I went there.
The great land of all things, both lost and found. A hide away; an unknowing escape.
I used to dream I was falling, always from high.
I would drop, and when I landed I found myself flung ever higher yet,
just to fall again.
Why, we might ask, do I remember such a thing? What significance could this have had?
It was the moment the dreaming became real to me. The moment I seized creation and feed and bound them to my being! This keppan would not break.
I had come to the understanding that it was not I at the mercy of the dreaming, but it the companion I would need.
It whispered in my ear and all was mine.
I used to dream I was falling,
So I learned how to fly.

/quit

Everyone gets hit by the emo stick

Once in a while anyway. Not particularly proud of any of these works. I think most of them have a single line that has meaning or a particular choice of words I find attractive, otherwise they are trash. Enjoy the laughs!

Before;
you looked away
at that child
you go on.

Then;
you fell
accidental seduction
you go on.

Now;
you are ever close
forever far
you go on.

Never really finished that one. Kind of...too ambiguous for it's own good, yes?

Dream Dictionary

A dream dictionary I will define
and in it each scene
meticulously outlined
everyone can see
what happens to you
hey, even to me
in this dream dictionary
I could never fit upon all the lines

Cute huh?


Stand Down

An order not given,
god save the queen,
i, lone soldier have already seen

the tyrant beneath her veil
medusa put to shame
stoned i evade

i, lone soldier
keeper of the void
a darkness that could be destroyed

this gap would be filled at last
if only I
lone soldier,
would stand down in task.

Ever feel like you hold on to grief for an extended period of time that just ends up making you miserable and was pointless in the end? But for some reason you just won't let that shit go. I tried to liken it to a lone warrior, all of his companions fallen, the mission is failed, no way to succeed. But it is his duty to remain, or so he thinks. Regardless of what it brings. I told you they were emo. =)

And just one more, if I may? Haha, did ANYONE make it this far?

No explanation on this one. Make your own.

alas, what have you done?
leave me to the past.
ever the one you walked away from
can you not see the mistake?
intricate young girl, I want to know.
allowed to speak, how differently would this story be told?

So there you have it, a bit of insight into sadness from my point of view. Don't take it the wrong way, I'm not particularly mopey. I far prefer to write of the enchanting, and imaginative. I'll save those for other days though. Even I don't like everything I write, how could I possibly expect you to? Enjoy.
jsn

Who are you?!

My name's Jason. This is my story.

Uh, your marios?

I'm sure my life has been shaped by many critical moments in the past, and while I can't pinpoint all of them, they are all equally important, I'm sure. But this one event is different. It involved my Mario's (original Super Mario Bros actually) So my friend is the proud new owner of a Wii, and the crew (I use the term loosely, more on that in the future) is having a blast playing games we haven't seen since we were Eight.

That's when I decide to play Super Mario Bros. Now, you should know up front that I'm infuriatingly good at video games because I spent the majority of my childhood with them as my only friend (aw sad, right?) So I jump right back in to the swing of things, and before I know it I'm staring down world 8-3 again. (this is the level that always gave me trouble as a child. I don't know why though! Fucking hammer brothers.) I've built up a nice Mario reserve in case this is going to take a few tries (11 lives, to be precise.) That's when the realization sets in that I might just beat this game finally. Yeah sad story but true, 25 years old and I've never been able to finish Mario 1. But tonight is the night. I'm going all the way. But first I need to go to the bathroom. No biggie right? I'll pause and be right back. I handle my business and return to the living room...

just in time to see my "friend" (lol) jumping my last Mario right off a ledge into the center of a pit. No, I'm serious. Just killing my fucking marios like it's the funniest shit they've ever seen. Really? I have to admit, the moment I realize what's going on I'm utterly flabbergasted. I don't even know how to respond! Seriously, who does this?! Who sits down and decides haha it'll be funny to screw this person over? Well, I guess I answer that for myself. So down to a single Mario, I try and carry on. I actually make it to 8-4. Then it happens, game over.

I'm not particularly mad, because I'm still dumbfounded at what just went down! Needless to say, to this day I have not played Mario again, and I just don't think I can. Sad times, right? That's where the name comes from. Stop killing them, seriously.

Brief intro right? Good. I'm a pretty odd person, but by all means, let me show you the world through my eyes. It might be entertaining for you.