I miss the kiss of treachery...
Oh wait, that's not my work. Apologies to Robert Smith. =)
I haven't actually had a stable girlfriend in some time, in fact like two years or longer. Whew, what's that Weezer song? It's time I got back, It's time I got back, and I don't even know how I got off the track? Again I digress. Sometimes I just like to talk.
So back on subject, no girlfriend in some time, so I'm not entirely sure this is about someone. Perhaps it's my faceless beauty whom I've never met. You can use your imagination. Make it your own faceless, wonderful, beauty. Read it quickly, like you only have but a moment before they find you. It has urgency. Almost...breathless. Until the slow, then savor the moment. Be with your dream for just that stanza, then let it be torn away. Again, just me experimenting. Perhaps it's crap, eh?
Quick.
Quick!
No one can see,
We're here; alone.
Just you and me.
Quick!
The moments pass,
Clinging to me
Skirt the crevasse
Quick!
Your lips fire,
Dissolve me within
A dragons ire
Quick!
Your touch entwines,
Draws my head
To your shoulder-line
Slow.
Let's stay here,
Away from all
Let them wonder
Where we've gone
Quick!
They come again,
Smiles now frowns
Time to pretend
With lingering touch
Our fingers brush
Away we slip
To conditional friendship
-jsn
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I like it, I like the way that it flows though it seems that perhaps, with the quick quick slow, quick pace..that it might benefit from being longer. It seems like there isn't enough time in the "slow" to get accustomed to it so that it has enough effect when its ripped away.
ReplyDeleteHrm, interesting and insightful comment Daniel. I never really thought of it that way. I guess I saw it was a mere single moment amidst the frantic. I'll try to play around with what you've suggested and see what I can come up with. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteIt's fine as it is, i'm personally against meddling too much with a poem after it has been written. At least in most circumstances. I feel that the orignal though normally ought to be preserved. But then again, it all depends on what that original concept was, and whether or not it can be modified without being changed.
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